In this special edition of the Petition Parade, there’s a recurring theme: Rep. Richard Pombo (R-CA.) Pombo has managed to get his shit-eating grin prominently featured on the pages of every website dedicated to preserving nature, with nifty monikers like “Wildlife’s Public Enemy #1” and “Chair of the Dirty Dozen.” But nobody has called him “Pombonehead” yet. Seems so obvious. He’s eagerly awaiting his own stint in the spotlight of our “Profiles of Jackassery” series, but for now…
· Pombo’s “Wildlife Extinction” bill is as ugly as it sounds. He’d like it to replace the Endangered Species Act, which he must not have read very closely, because it exists to protect wildlife, not extinguish it. And guess what? It’s already passed in the House. Defenders of Wildlife urge you to contact your Senator.
· Meanwhile, Dickie P. is working to gut the law that governs fishing in our oceans, creating loopholes big enough that the entire corrupt fishing industry can sail through. Don’t wanna rebuild fish stocks? No problem! Don’t wanna worry about “fragile ecosystems” and so-called “dolphins” and all that mumbo jumbo? Knock yourself out. DoW is ready with the “rotten fish bill” puns.
· Speaking of dolphins, Pombo is trying to unravel the Marine Mammal Protection Act. Do you get the impression Dick had some sort of bad dolphin encounter in his formative years? Like when he was a little boy, he was chosen at Sea World to come up and hold out a fish for Pepper the dolphin to catch, and he was so terrified staring down at those massive gray phallic demons of the sea he pissed his pants and secretly swore amid the gales of laughter that he would be avenged. Or maybe he got dumped by his high school sweetheart when he took her to see Free Willy. Anyway, make the call.